Simply reading the title of this article is likely to provide many parents in an uncomfortable sweat.
Have the sex chatting with your little ones is totally classified under parental fear, but being able to talk openly and honestly about the topic has multiple benefits.
Recent research revealed that children who feel able to talk to their parents about sex are more likely to delay sex until they are older, as well as to make healthy, sensible choices such as using contraception.
Add to this the fact that many parents may well underestimate the extent of children’s exposure to sex and online pornography, recent statistics revealing Children As Young As Seven Watching Porn Online due to the lack of age controls, and it is becoming clear that sex chat could be more important than ever.
Knowing that you need to bring up the subject is one thing, knowing How? ‘Or’ What doing it is another.
But there are ways to open the discussion with a minimum of redness and embarrassment on behalf of all parties.
When should I talk to my kids about sex?
Although there is no correct age for talking to children about sex, according to the NHS, it’s never too early to talk about it. “If your child asks questions about sex, he is ready to receive truthful answers,” the site explains.
The site goes on to explain that “talking to kids about sex won’t get them out and doing it. Data shows that children whose parents openly talk about sex start having sex at a later stage and are more likely to use contraception. “
Which must be a good thing.
Also, the sooner you do it, the less likely they are to have already picked up information, often incorrect, from their friends on the playing field, which could skew or distort their perspective on the subject at hand. the future.
How to talk to your kids about sex
Check your reaction
Your reaction when children ask questions or are curious about sex or gender has a huge impact on the child and the messages they internalize about sex.
“Children discover verbal and non-verbal behavior,” explains Sarah calvert a psychotherapist, psychosexual and relationship therapist.
“If they feel that a parent / guardian is negative about sex, they can develop a negative attitude; conversely, if the parent / guardian is positive, they are more likely to develop a positive relationship with sex and their own sexuality.
“This is why it is so important that parents think about where they are at with this topic and what they are unconsciously communicating to their children.”
Try to be positive about sex
Calvert says that a good sex education encourages positive attitudes towards sex and sexuality, allowing children to grow up and lead confident and happy sex lives.
“It’s important to be positive about sex and talk about the pleasures that a healthy and happy sex life (with yourself or with another) brings,” she explains.
“We should feel confident to strengthen their sexual exploration and development rather than darkening them in a cloak of shame. It is also important to ensure that our children have information that empowers them and enables them to protect them, teaching them limits and consent. “
Do some preparation
Give yourself time to think about and explore your own attitudes and beliefs on this topic before talking to the children.
“Everyone has their own views on sex which have been shaped to a large extent by the messages they have received, many of them from childhood,” Calvert explains.
“It is essential that parents know their own filter and ask why it exists. For example, we have all received messages about gender and how girls or boys should behave. How have these messages influenced and informed who we have become?
“The same goes for sex and sexuality. We need to be aware of the purpose in which we view these topics before discussing them with children. “
Try not to grind your teeth
If sex returns on TV, kids will be looking for their parents’ reaction, so it’s important to give a measured response.
“If you switch channels, change the subject, or make a joke every time the topic of sex is brought up, your children are more likely to believe that sex is secret, dangerous, embarrassing, or something to be ashamed of or be afraid “, Family Lives charity Told BBC.
Rather, use it as an opportunity to start the discussion.
Watch your words
While it may be tempting to use child-friendly terms when discussing the topic, when it comes to referring to body parts, parents are advised to avoid euphemisms.
Earlier this year Eve’s call, a UK-based gynecological charity, said male and female body parts should not be shrouded in secrecy and urged mothers and fathers to have open conversations with their children on the subject.
And the same goes when talking about sex.
Follow your child’s example
Giving kids the chance to explain what they know about the topic already means parents won’t have to worry about sharing too much information before they’re ready.
Parental expert Michele Borba, suggests that parents ask their children what “their friends are saying” about sex-related topics when they introduce themselves.
“Then you can say, ‘It’s not quite true, but I’m so glad we got to talk about it'”, Dr Borba Told Independent.
Personalize the discussion
While having the ‘sex chat’, it is important to tailor the conversation to your child by bringing their interests, values, and religion to them, as this may help your child understand and understand better.
If the kids haven’t come to see their parents or if the parents don’t know how to broach the subject of sex, Dr Borba recommends bringing the topic up naturally, starting the discussion by talking about a movie or an article about sex. magazine.
“Most of the talk about sex is about heterosexual relationships, but it can make some young people feel left out and ignored. Try to be open – everyone needs to be heard and listened to too ”, advises ChannelMum.com Editor Cathy Ranson.
Be aware of security and consent
the NSPCC Pant Rule is a great place to start with small children. He teaches children that their bodies are theirs, that they have the right to say no, and that they should tell an adult if they are upset or worried.
Request additional help
Something you can’t answer? As Ranson points out, your job as a parent isn’t to know all the answers – it’s to be a supporter and point them in the right direction.
The FPA has useful information for parents who want to talk to their children on the subject. His book ‘Speakeasy: talking about growing up with your children’ explains how to sit down and talk to your kids about puberty, sex, and relationships in an age-appropriate way.